im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
