I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
