he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
