Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
