He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
