Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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