I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Is it because I queefed?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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