My room smells like vodka and shame
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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