Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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