My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
