Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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