yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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