how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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