we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
