Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
