elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
