Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
