Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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