My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
