my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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