all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
