tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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