just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
