i just wanna soil my oats bro
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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