Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
