You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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