Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
