to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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