its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
