You're my little dorito
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
