she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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