He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
