Your mouth is God's brothel.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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