I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
