i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
