We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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