my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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