I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
