Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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