I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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