At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I FOUND THE LEGS
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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