the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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