i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
