Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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