butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
