I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
