Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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