You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
