her vagine was all disorganized.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
