Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize