overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
